exhaustion, pure and simple

The last couple weeks I have been hit by something harder to shake than any virus I could catch here. More draining than an episode of food poisoning and possibly more contagious than the chicken pox going through my school currently...

I am exhausted.

Completely and utterly. I have been dogged by a terrible exhaustion for what appears to be turning into a neverending thing. Earlier tonight I was watching the latest Countdown podcast and I dropped off to sleep for a bit. I was barely able to keep my eyes open and it was 7pm!!! I'm not sure why I'm so tired. I also can't seem to wake up when I am supposed to. Though I haven't been late to work...yet. I sleep enough- the same amount of sleep every night- and I'm sleeping more on the weekends, but I'm not sure what else I need.

I'm leaving Korea in 41 days, so I'll just push through until then. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep soundly on the flight to London. One last note- tomorrow is my school's celebration of Cheosuk. My last time to wear the traditional costume of Korea and we're making korean rice crispy treats. We did a trial run today, it was really tasty. I'll put up pictures of me and my kids in traditional dress this weekend for you to enjoy. Now I'm pretty sure I'm going to go to bed...I'm so tired.

Surviving Kimchiland

So the other night I was having a drink with my friend Mina when we started talking about life in Korea and other countries. It was a nice talk, what we look for in a country, what we like about Korea and whether or not to stay here. See, if you haven't talked to me within the last couple of days then you wouldn't know the reason for this discussion. Perhaps you're thinking, as I have been saying for the last few months, that Debbie is leaving Korea in October and then moving to the UK, right? Well, yes I've been talking about that for about a year now. Now as the time to depart Korea approaches (46 days) I am looking more intently into the logistics of moving to the UK for work and eventually graduate school.
In looking for a work visa that would allow me freedom in work, I discovered that to apply for this visa I'll have to pay 1200 USD...just to apply. Well, I gave myself a heart attack when I saw that. So it's just been a bit of a shocker to realize that not only must I wait 3 months after getting 5000 in a bank account to apply, but I must also have 1200 to give them to look at my application and pray they accept it! Oh yes, and I have to still pay bills and live for that time as well! ugh, to say the least.
The last few days, therefore, have been spent in serious contemplation on what I am going to do- whether to apply for this visa and hope for the best, or try to get in on a tourist visa and then wing it and pray to get a regular visa before being deported for illegally working in the UK, or put it all on hold and apply to graduate school in London earlier than planned and in the meantime work in the states, or choose to return to korea for a third year, where I know I can get steady work and be able to delay theatre work for yet another year. This was the dilemma I had all weekend.
So voicing my concerns to my friend Mina was a good way to weigh options (I also subsequently did this on the phone with Laura and then with my mom today). Along the way we somehow came up with a title for a book I could write. It will be called Surviving Kimchiland. Either it will be a how-to guide to surviving life in Korea or a funny travelogue of an individual american woman living in a diminuative country of unity. (the diminuative is referring to the size of the people here...I've had so many experiences because of my curves here that I could fill a book of just those stories!) I'm intrigued by this idea of writing down stories that have happened to me here. I don't know if it'd ever be published. But it could be a really fun project to work on while I'm living at my parents' house working as a substitute teacher! So who knows...maybe someday there will be, next to Bill Bryson's humorous travel books, my own humorous account of spending two years living in Korea (hey, if a guy can write a book about traveling around Ireland with a fridge, then I can do this!). I guess we'll see what happens. It would be good to get down all that's happened to me here before I forget it all!
Oh yeah, about the decision on whether to apply for the visa...I'm going to do it. I realized, talking to Laura and my mom, that if I were to not do it because of money, then I would always wonder if I could have gotten it and whether my life would end up differently because of it. So, I'm going to take that chance. Sure, finances are going to be tight for awhile, but I'll make it work. I want to go to the UK. I want to work for a couple years before going to graduate school there, so this is what I have to do. Wish me luck!

something weird at school

So I've been meaning to write about this for a week now. But, as you know, I've been slightly distracted! Anyway, here you go. Last Monday I was told, at school, that the kids would be making wine the first class period instead of having show and tell. They were making wine for Chuseok (korean thanksgiving). Ok, it sure sounded a bit strange, but this IS Korea, and not the Christian background I was brought up in. So the kids came prepared with empty bottles and a bunch of grapes each. Curious to see how this was going to happen, I stuck around my classroom to "assist." Then our school director walks into my classroom to start the kids off and carries in the biggest bottle of Soju I've ever seen. SERIOUSLY! I could barely stop myself from laughing out loud and I was shocked beyond belief. For those of you who haven't lived in Korea, let me tell you a little bit about Soju. It is 1- the cheapest liquor you can buy here (about a dollar for a bottle) 2-the strongest cheapest liquor, coming in at a whopping 20-25% alcohol 3-it is the worst tasting liquor I've ever had. It is a common liquor though and helps explain all the abuse problems here. One bottle and most people would be quite taken care of. Anyway, a comparison could be made to vodka. Ok, so back to the story. The kids worked to push grapes into their bottles and then added a little bit of sugar before the director assisted with them pouring in the soju on top of it. A week later and these bottles have been sitting in my classroom fermenting. I can't imagine that it's going to taste good when they take it home next weekend, but hey, I don't have to drink it!


PS- I'm down to 51 days now. WOOHOO!

reflections on a lonely week

I'm down to 55 days left in South Korea. I can't lie, I'm quite excited about it. This week has been a challenge to me. I've been dealing with feelings of loneliness and loss and having a phone that doesn't ring sure doesn't help my self-esteem. I know I'm bigger than these issues, but it still hasn't helped much. I feel like I'm all alone here (I know that it's not entirely true) and that I've been in this city at the job for such a long time. I've seen all but one teacher at my school replaced and even the school owner has changed. I feel like I'm in a rut. It's rough right now. Things will get better. I will smile everyday- even if I must force myself to do it. Even if I have to keep my feelings to myself and be my usual, cheerful teacher self at school and then wait until I get home to be sad, I won't let my loss affect my job for the last two months here. There are so many things I need to take care of before I can go that I can't afford to wallow in sadness and depression.

I'm watching The Biggest Loser right now. I should go out and exercise. Speaking of that- I have elevated triglycerides...I should lose some weight. This summer hasn't been the best for losing weight for me. I am still the same size in my clothing as when I initially lost weight here, but being surrounded with happiness this summer has led to a slacking off of taking care of my health (that and it has been ridiculously hot and I hate cooking when my apartment feels like an oven) and now I'm paying for that. It's difficult to be very careful with food when I am supposed to not eat everything I love. It sucks, especially since I have no substitutions like I would if I were back in the States. However, Mom would be proud of me...currently I have spinach, tomatoes, eggplant, mushrooms and a large carrot in my refridgerator. I did discover that fresh spinach and a marinated chicken breast makes a great meal in a tortilla shell. It's yummy!

So pray to whatever god you believe in, send some good karma, meditate good thoughts my way...whatever you adhere to...life is a little lonely and rough right now. I haven't really cried and I believe that right now I'm forcing myself to not break down over it. I'm just trying to deal with it without falling back on my comfort devices- food, sappy movies and shopping. None of those will help me!!!


The pictures are of my last trip to Seoul with Chris. We went to Itaewon for dinner and then decided to explore the neighborhood there where people actually choose to live...a miracle in my opinion or a severe question regarding their sanity. You couldn't pay me enough to live in Itaewon. It's the only part of Seoul where I have felt unsafe! No, really. It's a shame some of the best restaurants are there...

bored on the weekend

I felt like putting up a few of my favorite pictures (ok, really I just wanted to try out the photo option on here). I hope you enjoy them. If not, please don't tell me!
The first is of a building in my neighborhood. My neighborhood is unique in that there were basically two rules set down in the planning of the area (the city is maybe 15 years old). First rule- no building shall be more than 3 stories tall. Second rule- no building shall be built the same way. I'm serious about this. While apartment complexes abound in SK and especially in Ilsan where they are cookie cutter images that are only indistiguishable by building numbers (and Lord help you if you can't remember what number building you're looking for); my neighborhood is one of the few where it is impossible to find two buildings that are exactly alike. There are some that are similar, but no cookie cutter images. So you end up with buildings with strange facades attached to them, wavy roofs, traditional korean architecture (my first apartment had it), awful-looking brick villas with no personality (I live in one currently), and even a suburban two-story house with white picket fence and barn mailbox (I kid you not). I like it though. It may be strange, but it has certainly entertained me on evening walks around the area. I have a few places I really like and I'll walk purposefully just to see them. I found this last place this week with the strangest lawn ornaments I've ever seen.

goodbyes and beginnings

I'm sitting at home now. It's a friday night and I'm full of contemplation. I've started saying goodbye to more friends this month. It's not something that I particularly enjoy (I'm sure no one really enjoys it actually). It seems like saying goodbye is more and more a part of my life. I've actually said goodbye to all but one of my dearest friends in Korea- Laila, Laura, Siobhan and now Carolyn. In two months I'll be making my own goodbyes as I prepare to leave. It's hard. I want things to stay the same and to always be with my friends, but even I don't want my life to stay the same. I have conflicting interests I suppose. I'm also saying goodbye to someone else who has meant so much to me these last 5 months (cripes, was it five months ago?). He has been a blessing to me and challenged me in ways I haven't been challenged in (and that includes 4 hour hikes in Seoul). The happiness I have experienced here is something I will carry with me as I move on as well. Let's just put it this way: I wouldn't be who I am today without the people who have loved me and challenged me in life. I guess this blog entry is for all my friends. You should know that your support and love is what has made me the confident, joyful and adventuresome woman I am today. I love you all and only want the best for every one of you. I know you were brought into my life to make it better and I am excited to see who comes into my life when I move to London. Until then, I'll sit around in my apartment remembering the good times and, let's be honest, I'll probably shed a few tears over a drink or two. I'll move on, but it won't be easy and it won't be overnight. Don't sell yourselves short- you mean alot to me.

a new hobby

So the week after my birthday I made a big decision. At least, it was a big decision for me. I purchased a Nikon D40 SLR camera for myself. I decided that I wanted to start a new hobby. A hobby that is good for traveling. It's not that I don't have other hobbies. I paint, draw, read, and sew- these are the hobbies I've had for years now. But now that I've acknowledged the inevitable fact that I will be traveling for a long time, it is time to get a hobby that is not hindered by my constant uprooting. Hence the photography. I would like to take this time and put the blame fully on Christopher. Just kidding. But he did get me thinking seriously about it. I've always liked photography but just been scared of it. However, wandering around Seoul with him and his camera and then hanging out while he edits pictures has worked on me after all this time. So I did it. It's not like this is some revelation or anything. I still don't like taking pictures of people (apart from the kids at work) and I still have so much to learn, but it's fun. Of course, it would help alot if the Korean weather would be cooperative. Too bad on that one apparently.

New update on my travels- I have made the decision to not go to India alone. It's not a great idea and I could deal with a vacation with alot less stress (and dangers). So I'm going to my friend Siobhan's house in Cork, Ireland to visit her. Another realization I have- now that I'm 25 I am old enough to rent a car without excessive fees. How cool is that? So that is the last cool birthday I have. You know what I'm talking about- 18 is smoking/voting, 21 is drinking, 25 is renting cars...so that's it. I'm doomed to have no more interesting birthdays. If I choose to look at it that way. Alright, signing off now.

Last thing- if you want to look at my photos, check out my photoblog http://picasaweb.google.com/debinoxford and let me know what you think.