Debbie's Doings

When two people sing together, they're in love; when two people dance together, they make love.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Birthday


And once again, Tai has walked off with my slipper the moment I took it off to sit down and write this post. Ridiculous.Yesterday was my birthday. It was a lovely day. I feel blessed by all the messages I got and by the people who came out for dinner (and even those who couldn't make it and called to apologize). So I'm another year older and another year closer to 30. Where in the world did my 20s go? It's strange to think I'm 27 now. I know that a lot of my posts lately have been negative, but I've needed to use this to get this part out. I feel refreshed and ready to tackle this year now and determined to make it a fabulous one. I know that this isn't where I thought I'd be at this point (heck, I thought I'd be married by this point in my life) but I know that it's the right place for me right now. I have a great job, I have a plan for the next year, I have a wonderful puppy who makes my day much better (btw- good update at the doctor tonight! He's growing and his shunt is better with the medicine), and I have a wonderful support system of family and friends who remind me that I am worth it and I am loved. Why in the world would I be unhappy?
It's a rhetorical question because I don't have an answer for it. I want to be honest with myself and doing so I have had to face parts of myself that I've been unhappy about and have ignored for too long. So I'm dealing with those parts of me and moving on to a better place.

As an afterthought, I think I'm getting crows feet...or laugh lines...

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

reflective

I just finished watching Remember Me and I have to say I was not prepared for it at all. It just kind of hit me at the end, completely unexpected. I won't say more, but I will say you need to watch this film.

Watching the relationship develop between the two main characters stood as a stark reminder of my alone-ness. Now honestly, I'm usually ok with being on my own. It doesn't bother me most days, but after watching this film and with the mood I've been in the last couple of days, I wonder if I will ever affect someone the way these two did each other in the film. I know it's a movie and thus not real, but give me a break for a minute. I know people love me, my friends and family mean the world to me. But I wonder if there's someone who really gets me and who if, God forbid, the worst happened to me and I was gone, would that loss make a huge dent in their life. Like life-changing dent. Just a thought at the moment.

We did Tai's checkup tonight. He still has a lot of crystals in his urine (weird, I know) so they upped the amount of oral medication he gets. He has put on weight and is now 2 Kilos (2.2 pounds to a kilogram). The doc asked me if I had thought about the surgery. I told her honestly. I had thought about it, but I honestly can't afford it. Medicine is the only option right now. We go back in next Monday. I told her that I understood that medicine isn't going to save him, but for the time being he is fine with it. If things do get worse, I'll put him down. I've accepted it as best I can. Until that time comes, we're going to have a good time and he's going to be the happiest puppy possible.

I've been struggling with how I'm supposed to act. Of what's expected of me. I feel like a lot of the time, I let people down and I disappoint them in expectations of me. Part of this is my physical appearance. I don't dress or look my age at all. I look like I'm just out of college still. Not helped by my employment record for the last few years where I haven't had to dress professionally and have grown accustomed to jeans and a T-shirt. I suppose another part is the investment in professional clothing. I don't own a pair of dress slacks, pantyhose, or a button down shirt. In my defense, I did own these items at one point, but have gotten rid of them over time. Now living in South Korea where I don't fit the clothes, I find it much harder to even try to alter what I wear. More than the physical appearance though is my opinion that I've wasted time that I shouldn't have and now, at nearly 27, I have nothing to show for it. A few extra stamps in my passport, some ridiculous stories, and friends scattered across the globe. That's what I have to show for myself. That's it. I do feel like I'm on the right path finally. I've started the process of applying to graduate school (with the hopes that I can continue working full-time in Korea to pay for it) and have a plan now. Which is better than the vague notions I've had for the last four years. It also hits hard when I see so many others my age or younger (ok, mostly younger) who are married, have children, settled in, and seemingly content with their lives. I see this and I wonder what turn I took to take me away from all that. I am still fairly certain I don't want to have children myself, and upon further conversations with my co-teachers at my school, I KNOW I could not possibly marry a Korean man. Because I could never be the Korean housewife and daughter-in-law that is expected. There's just no way. Thanks Mom and Dad! ;-) But I do wonder what in the world it is that I'm supposed to be doing with myself and why so many of my decisions came back to bite me in the ass. Alright, enough self-absorbed ramblings. I'm going to play with Tai as he's decided that's what time it is and then I'll go back to school tomorrow and enjoy my time with my kiddos. Because they are adorable and the energy of my day (most days).

Saturday, July 3, 2010

update time

Well, we got the test results back for Tai. He has the kind of PSS that requires surgery. However, we can't go that route because I can't afford a 2 million won surgery and hospital stay. He is on medication though and he's totally back to normal. He's a total spazz right now. We're going outside all the time and he's running all over the place, playing with his rope and finally putting on weight. We go in Monday for a checkup with the local vet. I'm currently watching him pull out all the blankets I have lying around and chewing on the ends. He's hilarious.

I do believe I solved the mystery of my air con that runs all day and there's nothing to show for it. I got the vent open finally (a 15 minute ordeal considering the height it sits at) and my apartment is finally cooling off. Which is good considering the high humidity and heat going on right now.

We're doing the 4th of July bbq tomorrow at my apartment (since it's pouring down rain) and since I can't go home this year, I'm actually really excited about this. I did clean my apartment (destroyed by Tai as he decided to attack the vacuum and then pull everything out again). I made deviled eggs tonight and am going to make a peach pie. I can't WAIT!

Happy Independence Day America!