Debbie's Doings

When two people sing together, they're in love; when two people dance together, they make love.

Friday, August 29, 2008

reflections on a lonely week

I'm down to 55 days left in South Korea. I can't lie, I'm quite excited about it. This week has been a challenge to me. I've been dealing with feelings of loneliness and loss and having a phone that doesn't ring sure doesn't help my self-esteem. I know I'm bigger than these issues, but it still hasn't helped much. I feel like I'm all alone here (I know that it's not entirely true) and that I've been in this city at the job for such a long time. I've seen all but one teacher at my school replaced and even the school owner has changed. I feel like I'm in a rut. It's rough right now. Things will get better. I will smile everyday- even if I must force myself to do it. Even if I have to keep my feelings to myself and be my usual, cheerful teacher self at school and then wait until I get home to be sad, I won't let my loss affect my job for the last two months here. There are so many things I need to take care of before I can go that I can't afford to wallow in sadness and depression.

I'm watching The Biggest Loser right now. I should go out and exercise. Speaking of that- I have elevated triglycerides...I should lose some weight. This summer hasn't been the best for losing weight for me. I am still the same size in my clothing as when I initially lost weight here, but being surrounded with happiness this summer has led to a slacking off of taking care of my health (that and it has been ridiculously hot and I hate cooking when my apartment feels like an oven) and now I'm paying for that. It's difficult to be very careful with food when I am supposed to not eat everything I love. It sucks, especially since I have no substitutions like I would if I were back in the States. However, Mom would be proud of me...currently I have spinach, tomatoes, eggplant, mushrooms and a large carrot in my refridgerator. I did discover that fresh spinach and a marinated chicken breast makes a great meal in a tortilla shell. It's yummy!

So pray to whatever god you believe in, send some good karma, meditate good thoughts my way...whatever you adhere is a little lonely and rough right now. I haven't really cried and I believe that right now I'm forcing myself to not break down over it. I'm just trying to deal with it without falling back on my comfort devices- food, sappy movies and shopping. None of those will help me!!!

The pictures are of my last trip to Seoul with Chris. We went to Itaewon for dinner and then decided to explore the neighborhood there where people actually choose to live...a miracle in my opinion or a severe question regarding their sanity. You couldn't pay me enough to live in Itaewon. It's the only part of Seoul where I have felt unsafe! No, really. It's a shame some of the best restaurants are there...


Jon, Lindsey, Alex, and Ben said...

It will be over soon. I can't wait for you to be back!

Lj said...

I'm sorry, Deb. I wish I was there with you. You know I do. xoxoxo