reflections on a lonely week

I'm down to 55 days left in South Korea. I can't lie, I'm quite excited about it. This week has been a challenge to me. I've been dealing with feelings of loneliness and loss and having a phone that doesn't ring sure doesn't help my self-esteem. I know I'm bigger than these issues, but it still hasn't helped much. I feel like I'm all alone here (I know that it's not entirely true) and that I've been in this city at the job for such a long time. I've seen all but one teacher at my school replaced and even the school owner has changed. I feel like I'm in a rut. It's rough right now. Things will get better. I will smile everyday- even if I must force myself to do it. Even if I have to keep my feelings to myself and be my usual, cheerful teacher self at school and then wait until I get home to be sad, I won't let my loss affect my job for the last two months here. There are so many things I need to take care of before I can go that I can't afford to wallow in sadness and depression.

I'm watching The Biggest Loser right now. I should go out and exercise. Speaking of that- I have elevated triglycerides...I should lose some weight. This summer hasn't been the best for losing weight for me. I am still the same size in my clothing as when I initially lost weight here, but being surrounded with happiness this summer has led to a slacking off of taking care of my health (that and it has been ridiculously hot and I hate cooking when my apartment feels like an oven) and now I'm paying for that. It's difficult to be very careful with food when I am supposed to not eat everything I love. It sucks, especially since I have no substitutions like I would if I were back in the States. However, Mom would be proud of me...currently I have spinach, tomatoes, eggplant, mushrooms and a large carrot in my refridgerator. I did discover that fresh spinach and a marinated chicken breast makes a great meal in a tortilla shell. It's yummy!

So pray to whatever god you believe in, send some good karma, meditate good thoughts my way...whatever you adhere to...life is a little lonely and rough right now. I haven't really cried and I believe that right now I'm forcing myself to not break down over it. I'm just trying to deal with it without falling back on my comfort devices- food, sappy movies and shopping. None of those will help me!!!


The pictures are of my last trip to Seoul with Chris. We went to Itaewon for dinner and then decided to explore the neighborhood there where people actually choose to live...a miracle in my opinion or a severe question regarding their sanity. You couldn't pay me enough to live in Itaewon. It's the only part of Seoul where I have felt unsafe! No, really. It's a shame some of the best restaurants are there...

bored on the weekend

I felt like putting up a few of my favorite pictures (ok, really I just wanted to try out the photo option on here). I hope you enjoy them. If not, please don't tell me!
The first is of a building in my neighborhood. My neighborhood is unique in that there were basically two rules set down in the planning of the area (the city is maybe 15 years old). First rule- no building shall be more than 3 stories tall. Second rule- no building shall be built the same way. I'm serious about this. While apartment complexes abound in SK and especially in Ilsan where they are cookie cutter images that are only indistiguishable by building numbers (and Lord help you if you can't remember what number building you're looking for); my neighborhood is one of the few where it is impossible to find two buildings that are exactly alike. There are some that are similar, but no cookie cutter images. So you end up with buildings with strange facades attached to them, wavy roofs, traditional korean architecture (my first apartment had it), awful-looking brick villas with no personality (I live in one currently), and even a suburban two-story house with white picket fence and barn mailbox (I kid you not). I like it though. It may be strange, but it has certainly entertained me on evening walks around the area. I have a few places I really like and I'll walk purposefully just to see them. I found this last place this week with the strangest lawn ornaments I've ever seen.

goodbyes and beginnings

I'm sitting at home now. It's a friday night and I'm full of contemplation. I've started saying goodbye to more friends this month. It's not something that I particularly enjoy (I'm sure no one really enjoys it actually). It seems like saying goodbye is more and more a part of my life. I've actually said goodbye to all but one of my dearest friends in Korea- Laila, Laura, Siobhan and now Carolyn. In two months I'll be making my own goodbyes as I prepare to leave. It's hard. I want things to stay the same and to always be with my friends, but even I don't want my life to stay the same. I have conflicting interests I suppose. I'm also saying goodbye to someone else who has meant so much to me these last 5 months (cripes, was it five months ago?). He has been a blessing to me and challenged me in ways I haven't been challenged in (and that includes 4 hour hikes in Seoul). The happiness I have experienced here is something I will carry with me as I move on as well. Let's just put it this way: I wouldn't be who I am today without the people who have loved me and challenged me in life. I guess this blog entry is for all my friends. You should know that your support and love is what has made me the confident, joyful and adventuresome woman I am today. I love you all and only want the best for every one of you. I know you were brought into my life to make it better and I am excited to see who comes into my life when I move to London. Until then, I'll sit around in my apartment remembering the good times and, let's be honest, I'll probably shed a few tears over a drink or two. I'll move on, but it won't be easy and it won't be overnight. Don't sell yourselves short- you mean alot to me.

a new hobby

So the week after my birthday I made a big decision. At least, it was a big decision for me. I purchased a Nikon D40 SLR camera for myself. I decided that I wanted to start a new hobby. A hobby that is good for traveling. It's not that I don't have other hobbies. I paint, draw, read, and sew- these are the hobbies I've had for years now. But now that I've acknowledged the inevitable fact that I will be traveling for a long time, it is time to get a hobby that is not hindered by my constant uprooting. Hence the photography. I would like to take this time and put the blame fully on Christopher. Just kidding. But he did get me thinking seriously about it. I've always liked photography but just been scared of it. However, wandering around Seoul with him and his camera and then hanging out while he edits pictures has worked on me after all this time. So I did it. It's not like this is some revelation or anything. I still don't like taking pictures of people (apart from the kids at work) and I still have so much to learn, but it's fun. Of course, it would help alot if the Korean weather would be cooperative. Too bad on that one apparently.

New update on my travels- I have made the decision to not go to India alone. It's not a great idea and I could deal with a vacation with alot less stress (and dangers). So I'm going to my friend Siobhan's house in Cork, Ireland to visit her. Another realization I have- now that I'm 25 I am old enough to rent a car without excessive fees. How cool is that? So that is the last cool birthday I have. You know what I'm talking about- 18 is smoking/voting, 21 is drinking, 25 is renting cars...so that's it. I'm doomed to have no more interesting birthdays. If I choose to look at it that way. Alright, signing off now.

Last thing- if you want to look at my photos, check out my photoblog http://picasaweb.google.com/debinoxford and let me know what you think.