redesign

I'm going to redesign this blog...

I use this as an outlet to whine about things, but I think it's time to change it or delete it. So we're going to try to change it first.

I will spend the weekend hashing this out and expect something new next week. I have so many interests and I spend so much time online looking and learning things, but I don't do anything about it. I need a place where I can share what I'm passionate about and the things that bring me joy in life. Because I do have a joyful life, there are so many wonderful things happening around me that I should be sharing. The raindrops will be gone very soon.

:)

vacation downfall

The worst thing about a vacation is the fact that it ends. I suppose it wouldn't be a bad thing to have end if it was terrible. But when you have a wonderful, fabulous, amazingly awesome vacation in a beautiful place, it REALLY sucks to come back to reality. That is what I have right now. Coming down off the high I've been on for the last 3 weeks (and bigger the last week I was in New Zealand-more to follow later) has been pretty terrible the last 24 hours.

Going back to NZ was one of the best decisions I've made in awhile. It was an amazing trip for many reasons. I feel like if I had gone earlier in the year, I might have had a bad time because of where I was personally. Not properly dealing with my brother's death for nearly 6 months brought me to a new low I didn't know was possible over the holiday season. I was worried about myself and finally started taking care of myself after Christmas. I needed to do this in order to find myself again. Thanks Laila for helping me confront it and start finding Debs again. (I think I found her hiding in New Zealand). Being able to go on this trip without this huge cloud covering me made a difference. I'll never forget my brother, but I realized that I need to start living again.

Seeing old friends in Nelson was a blessing I cannot describe...there weren't too many people who kept in touch with me when I left NZ last February, but those who did are true friends. I loved catching up with them and talking about my plans to move back there.

Part of the whole "living-my-life" bit has been a decision-making process and a trip to be honest with myself and figure out what I want out of life. I know what I want now. I want to live in NZ, have a garden, maybe some chickens, live a quiet life with people I love around me in a place that I can't imagine leaving. And yes, that place is definitely Nelson.

Not only was it great seeing old friends from Nelson, but it was a time for new friendships and relationships as well. Marianne Brooks is a new friend whom I can't wait to hang out with more when I go back. Doug Brooks is a much better friend now, as close as a brother really (which may be why I punch him a lot). Alice, their daughter, is just an adorable little girl who is in the ranks of the cutest kids I love.

Now for the reason why my last week in NZ put me over the moon. For months now I've been hearing about schemes from Laura and Doug concerning me and some guy named Jeff. For months Doug has been telling me tidbits about his brother and Laura has been telling me how similar we are. Well, we are very similar. We also get along really well, and the last week I was there something special happened. (No, not THAT something...lol.) I made an amazing connection with someone I had only just met and after spending my last night there talking with him until 6 am, I realized I did not want to leave, but I wanted to stay and see where this went. He waited with me at the airport that night and getting on that plane was one of the hardest things I've done in awhile. I don't want to lost what has happened during this time and I think things will sort out somehow for us to keep growing in our relationship. We're not dating technically, but we're getting to know each other. Something I can't wait to continue doing. That's the high I'm coming off of. That's why I feel a bit sad and happy at the same time. That's why I didn't want to come back to Korea.

I'm home though, got Tai back home and about to sleep before work tomorrow. I will post some pictures either tomorrow or Thursday, but all this traveling makes me tired and I just want to cuddle with my puppy and have lovely dreams about New Zealand. Gnite all!

4.5 days

Well, it's been 10 days since I gave up bread and pasta. I have faltered a couple of times, BUT more importantly, I've noticed that I'm healthier without it in my diet. It sucks. I definitely dreamed about bread for the first two nights and constantly felt hungry even after eating a meal. But I'm making progress. Sunday night I gave in and made my mom's goulash recipe...BIG mistake. I couldn't even finish the pasta as it immediately made me sick. So Mari is coming over tomorrow to take the rest of my pasta so I don't fall into that trap again. haha. I'm weak, what can I say?

I leave South Korea in 4.5 days. I'm going back to Nelson, New Zealand for a 3 week vacation and I'm soooo ready for it. School is a drag and I'm tired of being cold all the time. Apparently though, Korea isn't going to be kind to me before I go. Saturday's high is 18 degrees F. Really. With a low of 1 degree F. Which means Sunday morning when I go to the bus stop to catch the shuttle to the airport at 6:45 AM (in the black of morning) wearing considerably fewer warm layers as I don't feel like carrying a huge winter coat all over creation, I will be F-R-E-E-Z-I-N-G my beezer off. On the bright side though, I packed my suitcase tonight and I've got room for a couple more t-shirts and any last minute things I think of...I think it helps that most of my summer clothes are in New Zealand already and I don't have to bring as much. My carry-on suitcase is the one I'm bringing and I'm pleased with everything I've got packed in there. See Mom? I CAN minimize my packing when necessary! I think I'll look funny in transit though as my carry-on is being checked and my actual carry-on will by my purse and a big kiddy race-track box set (for Elijah) that will not be wrapped or disguised in any way, shape or form. Should be entertaining.

I'm ready for the beaches of Nelson and hanging out with some of my favorite people in the world and meeting new people back there as well, of course.

entering 2011

A new year is starting and I'm reflecting, as usual. 2010 has been an eventful year, one which I wish wasn't actually eventful, but still. I can't change it. I started my masters degree this fall, and look forward to the next step once that is finished- moving back to New Zealand and settling down to teach cute little kids and add sunblock to my daily regime. Until then, I have goals to keep me busy.

1- maintain good grades for the masters program

2- take control of my health through my diet: this is a really important one since I've been sick for the last 3 weeks due to the amount of gluten and wheat I eat. For the last year or so I've noticed a trend with my body and have successfully ignored it until after Thanksgiving. The amount of gluten I eat is quite large considering my love of pasta and bread, so that's what I'm giving up. It's kind of the same situation I was in when I admitted being lactose-intolerant. I had to give it up completely and then slowly test my limits on how much I could have before getting very ill. So for the next 2 weeks I will have no gluten in order to clean my system out, then once I'm in New Zealand, I will begin the testing process. Let's be honest I certainly can't go 3 weeks in New Zealand with no gluten whatsoever and at least there I can find gluten-free options. In South Korea, gluten-free is pretty hard to find, and gluten itself is quite hard to avoid since it's in soy sauce and gochujang (are you kidding me Korea? Those are the two most used flavorings in this country, thus negating most Korean food from my diet for now). I have to be honest with myself though- I know I can't live without spaghetti for the rest of my life, so I have to figure this out and find a way to live without being sick all the time.

3- Along with this new approach to my diet is a more holistic approach to my health. Amillia has been really helpful with yoga and teaching me more about paying attention to my body and health. I've found some exercises I can do at home or at work to improve different aspects of my health. I need to take care of myself so I can make sure I don't get seriously ill because of my health. I'm past the point where I should be eating like I'm in college and I'm making it a priority to work on my health.

So there it is, I have some goals for the new year and will likely be venting on here on the struggles and successes I have over the next few weeks as I sort this all out. Today I woke up craving a bacon sandwich with HP sauce. Well, I have bacon and HP sauce, but can't do the sandwich bit- so I made oatmeal instead. I also just realized I'll have to figure out what to do with all the fresh basil in my apartment since I can't make pasta. Hmm, ideas? Anyway, back to breakfast and cleaning my apartment before dancing tonight.

Christmas!!!!

It's almost that time...with less than a week to Thanksgiving, I'm super-stoked about Christmas. I bought decorations today at Namdaemun for my house/tree/school and am about to set it all up at home. Christmas tunes are getting ready to play, let the Christmas season begin!

--pictures soon to follow--

halloween

I think I feel this way every year, but the gap in time manages to erase it from my mind. I really don't like Halloween. It may partially be because I didn't grow up celebrating it and have never been trick-or-treating in my life. I have been to fall festivals too numerous to count. I have also only been to 2 haunted houses- one in high school and one in college. The one I went to in high school was a fluke when I was friends with a girl for about 6 months. I never figured out why we were friends, and we're not today, so I guess it doesn't really matter why we were. Anyway, I celebrated this year and spent most of Sunday recovering and regretting it. Mostly because people who were out were stupid. I thought my own costume was pretty clever for being a last minute thing (ragdoll) that I sewed on Saturday afternoon before going out Saturday night, but can't understand the tradition of women dressing like slut variations of every costume known to mankind. I just don't get it. Anyway, here's me and my dear Mina out on the town, before the craziness and before the taxi ride home without my coat (it was in a locker and I didn't have the key). Please remind me next year that I don't want to celebrate this holiday. Instead I should just sit at home with a snickers bar and watch It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Yes, I should do that. Oh, but my favorite costumes I saw I wasn't able to get pictures of, but it was a group of friends dressed up as Care Bears...how freaking cute was that? So cute. Sweatsuits in the color with some sort of light-up belly decoration that was the emblem of each bear. I regret not getting those pictures. Oh well!

new beginnings

I'm starting a new chapter in my life. Yesterday was the first day of my masters degree program. I'm not entirely sure I can balance work and school well right now, but I'm determined to make it work. I'm getting an MA in Early Childhood Education. I'm excited about the end result and being able to move back to NZ and work in a school there (plus I miss NZ terribly). I'm doing an online program so I can continue working and living in South Korea to save money for moving again (I feel that is mostly what I do...work so I can save to move to the next place...). So I have to buy a daily planner because I can't budget my time well right now to do without it. This weekend is going to be a push to get on top of my schooling. Day two and I'm already behind in my reading. Curse my crazy schedule this week with drama competition and extra rehearsals.

I've also started yoga again. With all the added stress of the next two months (until Christmas) I realized that I can't discipline myself to do yoga alone but neither can I make time to get to a studio for classes...so I've hired my yogi friend Amillia to teach me at home! It works well since she's gone independent recently and has a much more flexible schedule and I get a personal yoga routine that works with what I can and cannot do. She's wonderful and even after just 4 classes, I can already tell a difference. My feet are nearly flat again in downward dog pose as opposed to bent knees and balls of my feet that I've been doing for over a year now. So twice a week I get to spend an hour with her stretching and making faces as my dog attempts to join us in class. He doesn't really understand that he can't do yoga with us. It's funny though.

I'm also starting a weekly menu planner so I eat better to balance my yoga and avoid stress eating. Tonight I had a tuna melt, tangerines, and walnuts for dinner. Yummy. Tomorrow is a salad since I can finally get to the grocery store after work. I really don't have time to cook real meals during the week now (and especially since I'm taking on an extra class twice a week starting in November) so I've decided that I can do a big meal on Sunday and then get a couple days of leftovers out of it to help me get through the week. This Sunday I'm doing Fish Pie. I'm salivating just thinking about it. It's cold here now and I am dying for a good casserole. Next Sunday is Pumpkin soup. Already looking forward to making my apartment smell of roasted pumpkin.

On a lovely note- I heard the music class at school today playing Jingle Bells on their recorders. Yes, it's almost that time again. :-)

Pray for me as I take on all these endeavors simultaneously. I hope I can make it to Christmas where I'll be given Christmas Eve off and then I'll also be finished with all my extra work. Then three weeks after that I'll be headed to Nelson, New Zealand for three GLORIOUS weeks. I love it and am already dreaming about it. No really, I had a dream about it two nights ago.

ps- I'm getting a tattoo on Saturday. I thought I was done with them, but apparently am not. :-)