vacation downfall

The worst thing about a vacation is the fact that it ends. I suppose it wouldn't be a bad thing to have end if it was terrible. But when you have a wonderful, fabulous, amazingly awesome vacation in a beautiful place, it REALLY sucks to come back to reality. That is what I have right now. Coming down off the high I've been on for the last 3 weeks (and bigger the last week I was in New Zealand-more to follow later) has been pretty terrible the last 24 hours.

Going back to NZ was one of the best decisions I've made in awhile. It was an amazing trip for many reasons. I feel like if I had gone earlier in the year, I might have had a bad time because of where I was personally. Not properly dealing with my brother's death for nearly 6 months brought me to a new low I didn't know was possible over the holiday season. I was worried about myself and finally started taking care of myself after Christmas. I needed to do this in order to find myself again. Thanks Laila for helping me confront it and start finding Debs again. (I think I found her hiding in New Zealand). Being able to go on this trip without this huge cloud covering me made a difference. I'll never forget my brother, but I realized that I need to start living again.

Seeing old friends in Nelson was a blessing I cannot describe...there weren't too many people who kept in touch with me when I left NZ last February, but those who did are true friends. I loved catching up with them and talking about my plans to move back there.

Part of the whole "living-my-life" bit has been a decision-making process and a trip to be honest with myself and figure out what I want out of life. I know what I want now. I want to live in NZ, have a garden, maybe some chickens, live a quiet life with people I love around me in a place that I can't imagine leaving. And yes, that place is definitely Nelson.

Not only was it great seeing old friends from Nelson, but it was a time for new friendships and relationships as well. Marianne Brooks is a new friend whom I can't wait to hang out with more when I go back. Doug Brooks is a much better friend now, as close as a brother really (which may be why I punch him a lot). Alice, their daughter, is just an adorable little girl who is in the ranks of the cutest kids I love.

Now for the reason why my last week in NZ put me over the moon. For months now I've been hearing about schemes from Laura and Doug concerning me and some guy named Jeff. For months Doug has been telling me tidbits about his brother and Laura has been telling me how similar we are. Well, we are very similar. We also get along really well, and the last week I was there something special happened. (No, not THAT something...lol.) I made an amazing connection with someone I had only just met and after spending my last night there talking with him until 6 am, I realized I did not want to leave, but I wanted to stay and see where this went. He waited with me at the airport that night and getting on that plane was one of the hardest things I've done in awhile. I don't want to lost what has happened during this time and I think things will sort out somehow for us to keep growing in our relationship. We're not dating technically, but we're getting to know each other. Something I can't wait to continue doing. That's the high I'm coming off of. That's why I feel a bit sad and happy at the same time. That's why I didn't want to come back to Korea.

I'm home though, got Tai back home and about to sleep before work tomorrow. I will post some pictures either tomorrow or Thursday, but all this traveling makes me tired and I just want to cuddle with my puppy and have lovely dreams about New Zealand. Gnite all!