Yikes!

It's weird really. I am not quite sure it's possible to describe fully how I'm feeling right now. Detached, despondent, worried, overwhelmed...those are good words to start with. As I'm sitting here looking at my clock, I am realizing that in less than two weeks I will be on an airplane headed towards my connecting flight in Hong Kong (don't think I'll have time to shop though). Which means tomorrow when I get up, I will be two weeks from being in Ireland. WTF!?!? Sorry for that, but there's really no expletive that is appropriate here. I can't believe it.

I'm leaving so soon and yet I'm almost in complete denial of my imminent departure. I'm only in my own apartment for 8 more days, then I'm moving to Mina's in Hwajeong. Dahlia's got a home (well, in theory), I'm writing up a list for the next teacher at my school, I went to the Pension office to request my refund, and I at least started the packing. Tomorrow night is the night I do a test pack. I need to know if I can actually get everything home from here! If not, I'll go through it again and purge, and possible ship one last box home (it'll be small, I swear!).

I'm so scared to leave what has been my home for two years now. It's comfortable, I know what my day consists off, I have a comfortable life and I know I can get to a huge metropolis in less than 30 minutes. When I leave here, I'm going back to central IL where the population is less than my neighborhood in Ilsan. Wait, so WHY am I leaving again? Oh yeah, I'm trying to get to London and back into theatre.

I've loved working with kids here the last two years. Granted, I'm starting to lose my mind I'm sure. I am in need of mental stimulation beyond "What color is this?" and "G is for gum." Severe need of that mental stimulation. I always thought I'd work with kids, but somehow never thought I'd be a teacher. I'm not the teacher type, from the look of me. I'm not terribly traditional, clean-cut, or any of the other adjectives I'd give a teacher. But I do know that I have a rappore (sp?) with kids. I can relate to them and get them to open up. I am creative in my teaching methods and willing and able to humiliate myself to get a response out of a surly student. This apparently has made me a good language teacher in a foreign country. But that's not what I wanted from life- not this forever. I went to college for theatre. My heart is there and in fashion design. Two passions of mine that I haven't really done much with in the last two years.

I needed a break from the life I had in the US. I felt like I was lost and drowning in the world. I wasn't sure of who I was and of who I was becoming. I was afraid of who I was and what I was doing. I had to get out of what I knew in order to find myself. I know that's so cliche, but it's honestly what I felt like I needed. Korea was that escape for me. I don't regret anything that has happened the last two years here and I know who I am and I'm alot more OK with that person. I never imagined I'd be who I am today - a liberal and a skeptic- and imagined even less that I'd be ok with that. I had very different ideas of what would happen when I came to SK, but I'm glad it turned out the way it has. I've found some amazing people who have become part of my heart and know that the growth I've had here is because of them.

So here I am, on the downswing of my time here and fighting all sorts of conflicting emotions in regards to it. Relief because I need a vacation, joy because I get to see some of my favorite people very soon, anxiety because I'm not sure about the next step, loneliness because I feel like I'm walking alone, comfort in knowing that people all across the world love and support me, and probably just about every other emotion! Anyway, enough of this. I just had to get it out of my system and now I'm going to go watch Countdown with Keith Olberman and enjoy my liberal mind! Haha.